Stupendous

What have you done lately, child?

2011-10-26T19:57:00.000+01:00

Well sir, i did thiiiis... it's finished now, but I just need to photograph it properly at some point. It's only a silly little blog, ya know? (yes, it's sideways. Imagine it rotated 90 degrees anti-clockwise)

And then I started these... They're not finished yet, but it's going well I think. :)

back soon with something worth blogging about. maybe.

smooch.

old news

2011-10-04T01:03:00.000+01:00

this is an old work in progress picture taken on my blackberry, actually only about 2 days old. but i finished it on the same night. not sure if i wana post the final pic. i'm abit scared. i need to photograph it properly too.

i know

2011-09-27T12:19:00.000+01:00

i totally write like an illiterate **** but it's only because it's my stupid blog. and that's the way it's gona stay. i'm just saying. i was reading over the last post and changed a 'cos' to 'because'. i totally realised how awful it looked, and sounded. apologies. for this time and every other time in the past and future that i write like shit. just try to understand. :-)

smooch

And another one...

2011-09-27T12:12:00.001+01:00

i still kick. just.

i've been away from here for so long, but i have been doing shit. remember a couple of posts ago i painted that shop sign? when the same guys got another shop and got me to design this one, and paint it. they painted on the blue, and i did the rest. look here...

the image above is how i designed it... (yep, that's me in the reflection. this was around 5 or 6 or 7 in the morning, on the way back from a house party). The image below is how it turned out...

the blue is different to the one i imagined, but it's what the guys at the shop chose. i really like it though. it was sunny at the time of painting, and i was totally getting a Miami kind of vibe from it. they painted all the blue in, so i just painted the actual design on it. i was shit scared because the pavement is totally fucked and i didnt feel very safe on the ladder, even though i had my friend holding it.
This was done a few weeks ago by the way, maybe 3 weeks ago. or 4.

Also, a couple of weeks ago, i took a photo of the window display at the Mulberry store in New Bond Street, one of about two high end streets in London, this one just off Oxford Street. i may have mentioned already, that i was doing some freelance work for a window display company in like June. it was great. and i kept on forgetting to go to the shops once it was all sent off, but recently finally managed to catch a London one before it was taken down. This display was the same kind that would be sent out to Mulberry stores in Korea, Dubai, across Europe and NY i think...

so, most of the sign posts that you see were painted by me! and then about 50% of all the little bits coming off the top were done by me, the rest done by the people working with me. it took sooo long, but it looks really nice.

so there.

now in other news, i got this really cool winter jacket for £15 in some vintage bargain basement set up on brick lane. and i mean WINTER jacket. i wore it the other day to a show at fashion week, and i was sweating, and it wasn't even that hot at all. perfect. because now i know it'll work like a bitch in actual winter. so anyway, the jacket. it had been previously customised by someone, so had some colourful felt patches on the front, with letters and stars and shit. the letters S and P mean nothing to me, but clearly quite alot to that person, but whatever, it looks cool and is totally my kind of aesthetic. however, the back had a huge bright green block circle with a huge bright pink 'P' in the middle. i LOVED the colours, but the letter P meant nothing to me and i felt like a big of a fake. so i decided to get rid of 99% of it all, bought some felt, and did my own thing on the back. and i came up with this:

isn't it wonderful? you can read it as simply 'GOD' or 'G.O.D', but i was going for a more 90's valley girl "God! you are like, so disgusting!", but at the same time using any one the other circles to make "O(h) God!"
Each letter means something to me, but i would'nt tell you unless you e-mailed me and asked. It's private ;)
i like the idea of people making up their own associations.
but as much as i hate winter and do not want to go through it, i totally wana wear the shit out of this jacket.

ok, so i am also painting again. i keep telling myself that, and i really am trying, but you know when other shit comes up and you just have to do it. but i'm totally in a mood to get all my own work going so hopefully soon i'll have a finished painting to show you guys. maybe.

hope you're all doing ok, let me know what's up. i totally havent even been looking at anyone's blog lately, i'm so sorry. but thats mostly because i havent had internet for a while because we were switching provider. but i'll try and catch up. blog soon!

smooch.

Preview

2011-08-18T18:59:00.000+01:00

So this is what I've been working on recently. i actually think it might be finished now, but this is the painting in it's earlier stages. it should be one of three, but i'm reconsidering the other two. Y'know when you want the other parts of a set to look as good as the first one? i'm not crap, but it's taking some time. i have other pieces i can be working on, but i'd rather not work that way. i need to be in a new zone for the others. I'll leave you with this to bust nuts over, and i should be back soon with some more.

i'm so sorry for not being around much, it's very naughty of me but i'm trying to do better.
see you soon

smooch!

long live Amy Winehouse

2011-07-26T01:53:00.000+01:00

There's a few things i could talk about here, but i won't. i don't need to. there's two sides to every story, or at least this one, and there's also a lesson to be learned, which we already know.
It's sad of course. But after it all, I feel Amy Winehouse succeeded in providing us with some of the best music post 2000. For me, with Back to Black alone, she annihilates most of the music/artists to come out in the last 10 years, and i think will continue to do so until someone else utterly superb comes along and doesn't mess things up for themselves (i mean career wise, not necessarily emotionally/mentally etc.).

People are like 'RIP Amy', but i see it and i can't help feeling that it's not enough. or doesn't make sense. i feel as though there is no real closure in this tragedy. yet? we as humans can and should use this to learn about ourselves, and others, our lives and lifestyles and the choices we make and the people we associate with and aim to be. other artists can learn (better learn!) to do better, to sing better, to live better, to make music that doesnt sit with the crowd or follows trends, but instead to create something fresh or new, something that can last and won't lose relevance or sound shit a few years down the line. that's what you're here to do right? to keep us interested right? if not, then what?

i don't know how much i'll miss Amy, because I think i'll always remember her, at her best. i have that album that shits on so much else. it will be a shame not to hear anything new, and i so wanted her to get better. and i so wish she did. but she left behind something amazing.
RIPAmy? of course, but...that's not it. i'm not registering that. settling for that. Amy isn't someone who just get's dropped. there's no 'next' person to move onto, yet. i think that's what it is. there's no-one else. in fact, her death should be a fucking protest in itself, telling everyone else to stop fucking around. what are they doing here? i could name so many music artists right now and put them in the 'it should've been you' box. it's not nice, and i won't do it. but it's fucking true. yeah she had her issues, but she didnt have to be alone to deal with them. of course its hard to make someone do something they dont want to, once theyve gotten past a certain point, but it goes to show how waste people were at catching her and supporting her at the first hurdle, when it's easier. when the bad choices couldve been cut off. did they not think she was worth saving/nurturing/fuck it, being protected? show her LIFE! and how good it can be without these harmful things. yeah she's a grown ass woman, but age doesnt make you immune from addiction and death. but that's a whole nother story. what i meant to say is, there are other people who, even with no negative issues, might as well not have any time or love or care being invested in them as they just dont create anything worth listening to, therefore they have no need to be all over the radio. some people might as well have died in her place, as they've just come back and joined the cheese party instead of standing on a podium and showing some real talent. TRY for fucks sake. this applies to everyone, even me.
i'm gona stop before i turn into a cruel monster. here i'm talking about showbiz, but it also applies to the rest of us and the rest of them living the street life. if all your friends are drunk and stoned, you need new ones. if you're smarter/more intelligent than all your friends or the people around you, you might need some new ones too.
one word has stuck out to me since April this year: ELEVATE.

smooch

I'm back!!!

2011-07-13T12:23:00.001+01:00

sort of. i havent really been anywhere, but for the last few months i kinda have been busy, therefore having no time to do anything worth blogging about. i mean, thinking about it now, i could disclose some information, but i don't think i want to.. i guess some can come when i have pictures, but the main thing now is that i actually have proper time to work on my art again! it's been about 10 years since i last did anything in terms of my own actual because-i-want-to shit, so here it is.

umm, but i don't really have anything to show yet because i've run out of art supplies, so nothing's really been started, OOOPS! i won't show you my drawings. although, i can show you how i ran out of black and white (the most important colours in my next few paintings)...

^^^ a wall painting i did for the Vintage Basement, just off Brick Lane, London^^^

^^^an ok picture of some signage painting i did on the Vintage With Love shop on Brick Lane, London. Any type and circle shapes is painted by me. the block colours in the backgound were done by the shop owners. That's also one of my very best special wonderful friends in the red top and teeny weeny shorts, Bertie. and the guy behind the car with the long hair and shades is the gorgeous lovely Mihali.

Obviously when i got paid for those, i instantly spent my money on plimsolls, trainers and clothes, hence no paint. but some money should be coming through very soon as I've just recently finished some freelance work at a retail window display company, great fun.

just looking through some pictures, i suppose i have a teaser image, nothing special...

haha, it's not even a proper teaser image! i just spat that out in photoshop, but y'know when it just helps to see something before it's done..? it started out as this other story, but it ended up roping in a drawing i did a few months ago called Up To No Good. that's the theme i'm working on.

i don't want to be on the computer anymore, so i'm going. but i should be back soonish with something to show or talk about. i've neglected this blog for sooooo long, but i'm gona get back into it now. there's a website on the cards too, but that's when i've actually done some work. pray for me.

SMOOCH!

12-Pages Issue 7: Radicals

2011-06-23T02:25:00.001+01:00

Open publication - Free publishing - More art

i'll be back soon!

2011-05-10T17:09:00.002+01:00

i just haven't really done anything worth blogging about. yet. or, i have, but i dont need to blog about it just yet. maybe when it all goes wrong. see u soon!

smooch!

12 Pages: Movement

2011-05-10T17:04:00.000+01:00

Open publication - Free publishing - More art

Designed by Me! Guest Edited by Paul Mendez and Charley Peters. Produced by TBC Artists Collective (link to their 12-Pages site as the TBC site is down for maintenance.)

girly girl

2011-04-12T14:11:00.003+01:00

this was inspired by that 'one drawing a day' idea that totally went out the window after like, day 2. So I thought 'ok, let's just knock a couple out now'. this was about 2 days ago.

12-Pages: Pinpoint Introspective

2011-04-10T14:18:00.003+01:00

Open publication - Free publishing - More art

For more: http://www.12-pages.com/

http://www.tbcartistscollective.org

Black Friday is SHIT.

2011-03-14T21:33:00.003Z

I AM team Lil' Kim, but i'm not a fake stan just kissing her pussy to keep her sweet. I just listened to Black Friday, and i'm disappointed. there's no fire in it. i know it's only a mixtape, but you gotta give your fans a reason to hold their breath. i hope this isn't going to be a taste of what's to come. Here's why:
-ONE verse per song isn't enough. I want to see you work! what am i paying for?
-Stretching out the singing when you're not a singer and using autotune is for dummies.
-Having everyone else ALL OVER your music while you remain an accessory is NOT cool, even for mixtape standards. If you were that good, you'd be able to put out 17 good tracks all by yourself without losing steam. i buy your albums to hear YOU, not your whole crew.
-i can't even do a track by track review because i either don't remember them, or don't want to listen to them again. be selective with your producers, and look at Hard Core, La Bella Mafia and The Naked Truth as inspiration and fuck everything that's going on now. forget the 'in' people, the trends, the producers, get into a zone, and do YOU.

I want Lil' Kim to see this. i believe she does have it in her still, and you can hear echoes of it in some of the tracks here, however, it's very...coffee break. I hope she gives herself enough time and effort to put out a proper album after this, because so far, i think each of her albums have been strong efforts, each in their own way.
People have lost their minds, and music quality has gone down, but the dummies won't know that unless you step up and show them what's good. the people who know good music are waiting. if Kim, and others don't sort it out, we'll have to either give up hope and succumb to shit, or stay listen to everything that used to be.

Lil' Kim, CALL ME!!!

smooch

and no, i'm not posting a link to it. that's how much i don't believe in it.

i have kind of been making art...sort of...

2011-03-07T22:11:00.000Z

some random put-paint-on-a-page-and-fold-it work. i did a few of these simply as starting points to inspire new work.

^Sneaky, 2011

^Cold Blood, 2011

^Up To No Good, 2011

^a little thing i tried on photoshop

12-Pages: Hybrid

2011-03-07T21:56:00.000Z

Open publication - Free publishing - More art

you should know...

2011-02-28T00:09:00.000Z

Don't read anything i write unless it's got pictures. it would probably just be some long bullshit no-one needs to know.

12-Pages: Windows

2011-02-16T00:41:00.000Z

Open publication - Free publishing - More drawing

for more TBC Art projects: http://issuu.com/tbcartcollectiv

Something about Sasha

2011-01-29T18:49:00.003Z

Ok. So, Sasha Pivovarova. I've never written about her before. When it comes to models, I sing for Naomi, Kate, Jourdan Dunn, Freja Beha, Magdalena F, Eniko, and Raquel Zimmermann. Yesterday, I got my copy of Vogue Paris for February 2011, because I knew Freja was in it. But today I actually opened it and went through the main editorial with 65 looks or whatever. And, I love Freja, however, I really feel as though Sasha Pivovarova stole the show. I feel as though she put alot more into it. So much. The clothes/styling, make-up, photography and what not all play a huge role in the pictures she appeared in, but I felt there was so much energy in her, and so much energy that she presented, and she really... I think I'm actually lost for words abit. I know when you see it, you might not think that much of it, but today, Sasha just...

...appeared from the crowd, and took the biscuit.
I've seen her alot, in magazines. And I think I was always looking for someone else, cheering for someone else, and loving someone else. But today, after going through Vogue, I thought about Sasha. And I felt guilty. I know she's fine. She's a big name. But I felt like I had neglected her. Not paid her much attention. Not realising what she does. And it felt as though she was an underdog. This quiet little wonder. I felt sorry for her.

But I went through her other pictures on the internet, some of which I'm glad I have in magazines I've picked up already in the past. And I've come to the conclusion that Sasha Pivovarova is a great model. Wonderful. There's so much in her. And I really feel it now, and see it. In this particular issue of Vogue Paris, she really delivered. And I mean in comparison to what I saw from the other models in that issue. I don't mean Freja, because she was... I'll come to that later. But for example, Daria Werbowy. I like her, but she seemed... ok forget that. Daria's cool. She's fine. What really got me was Natasha Poly. I was seeing Sasha's pictures, and then Natasha's pictures, and it looked as though Natasha's pictures were abit lazy. It's Natasha Poly. She's huge. But it felt as though that got to her head, like, she didn't need to try hard to get good pictures. Like she just doesn't have to try anymore because she's Natasha Poly. Sasha is pretty big, but it still seemed fresh, like she loved what she was doing, and will always try. And there's this sense of fun with her too. Natasha had abit of oooh in a couple of pictures, but it just felt dead. But I think Sasha really shone. And I'm so proud of her. What was also nice was that this issue also had a few pages at the back dedicated to Sasha's artistic side. She draws and sketches between shows, in her spare time and what not, but it just adds something to her... 'self', and I'm glad Vogue actually put aside a moment for that. It almost felt like it was her issue in a way, quietly, secretly. But I thought it was lovely. And I really look forward to her future and wish her the best.

By the way, Joan Smalls tried in that issue, and did ok, but I think Jourdan Dunn would've ape-shitted those shots, easily. Something in Jourdan's eyes, and the way she carries herself, would've just transformed those shots into something else. something better. Jourdan's face is crazy. People can try with Joan Smalls, but Jourdan owns that position. And it's not even like black chick rivalry. There's place and space for plenty more black girls in fashion. All the other black girls I've seen have their own shit. But I feel like Joan Smalls is a post-Jourdan girl, with Jourdan going off to have a baby, it seems as though Joan just took that spot, rather than her own. With Joan, it always looks like "that should've been Jourdan". I don't feel that with any other black female model, or ANY other model. Joan's abit non-descript to me, I don't see anything that special in her. Yet. But let's see. That's another story for another day.

another by they way, i'm sick of switching to upper case after full stops and trying to write properly. i tried it so far in this post and its getting annoying. this is my shit. here we go.

so i'm actually gona post the pictures now for you guys to see, but not the whole thing. you dont need that. and i dont wana do it. and ok, looking now, i can understand if anyone thinks "what?", but i stand by what i said. it might be subtle, but i think Sasha's shots are lovely. i actually felt inspired after seeing them.

And of course i'll include Freja and her evercool...

smooch.

'Do It Again' by TBC Artists' Collective

2011-01-20T01:31:00.000Z

Open publication - Free publishing - More drawing

Who's she?

2011-01-20T01:23:00.001Z

Everyone meet Amama Sheenh. Be nice.

Though she's not ready yet. i'm still working on her face.

At some point

2011-01-20T01:20:00.001Z

some stuff i've been working on. I will do paintings based on these.
I'm shit at photoshop, I realise that, but i know i'm a better painter. i just wanted to see how it looks in colour.

Lately...I've been thinking about...

2011-01-20T00:31:00.000Z

A close-up of a painting I did for a friend. Inspired the stuff below.

progress. I can officially draw and paint my own Leopard spots without a guide. Bring on the sleaze.

Colours that war. This is quite a gentle fight, but it's still there.

remember?

2011-01-19T01:17:00.000Z

(But tonight, I almost didn't have one...)

Happy New Year

2011-01-17T03:49:00.001Z

My mind is in a weird place. There's a quiet panic within me. But there's a sad joy too. The joy and love and wow of new year's eve speeds through my mind every now and again, giving me mixed feelings. On that night, I was waiting to cross the road on my way to a friends house, kind of near Paddington, when these two rudeboy-esque guys went speeding past in their little car, blasting some 'old skool' garage. I knew the song. I could've cried. Even today, 17 days down the line, this moment makes me want to cry, and I think about it all the time, and I wish it would happen again. That small moment reminded me of the days when I was always tuned to pirate radio stations, listening to garage, and the joy I felt as I knew all the songs from my childhood. It reminded me of those hot summer nights in bed, with a really late show; 1, 2 or 3am, with the window wide open and the warm air and the dark and the bass. It reminded me how many years had passed. Since I was listening to that music. It disappeared off the radio. And I disappeared out of radio space. And grew up abit. That's the bit that makes me want to cry. Time passes. We all grow, older and older. The simple sentimentality of it all, and my younger years. Hearing something from so long ago, and realising that it is in the past. I felt distant from it. I want to take it back. I want to be there again, and I miss it. I don't wana leave it. I want to have it beside me. Can I live those years again? Those nights? Carefree. Just when I'm feeling down, or scared, can I go back to those nights and days and live them for a day instead? The DJ's voice and the music.

I went through youtube trying to find that song I heard being played in the car, so I could recreate a similar moment for myself. I found and downloaded that song, and others, so I can play them all on shuffle and pretend I'm listening to the radio. Am I crazy? Stuck? No. And maybe. I know I can't pull away from the future and the present, but I wish I could have another existence on the side. A little retreat.

How could that moment- these two guys in a car, minding their own business and playing their own music- make me feel this way? So happy, yet so sad. And why does it feel as though those feelings are linked to what's currently happening in my life? These old songs playing in my mind while the other things on my mind are buzzing around. Me thinking on them, yet nothing being resolved.

I'm feeling a fear. A fear of failing. A fear of growing. A fear of dying. And I don't know what to do. I know it's all fine, and it's not as bad as I imagine it. I know I'm being totally silly and pussy

I don't know what to say. My friend told me it will be fine. I just wana sleep it all over now.

I'm not tryna give her extra exposure or anything, but...

2011-01-08T04:25:00.000Z

Hi Nicki, you alright?

Yeeeaaauuuuhhhh, I'm not feelin lyk Mansta today! Nicki is on cloud niyne, so fuckin high I can taste da sunshiyne.

Great. Coz like, I was wondering if you could help me with something.

Sure, what can Nicki do to help little mansta friend?

Ummm, well. None of the guys in my class wanna hit it. As in, y'know, screw me. And the girls say I'm dumb and ugly and shit. Soo...I was wondering if maybe you could give me some beauty and personality tips. Coz like, I know you're really cool, and popular, and you have big titties and ass to help with all that..but I have nothing. The girls say I'm nothing but a loser-bitch. Can you help me become, like....more like you?

Yeeeaaaauuuuhhhh, sure. For starters, you godda carry yourself diffrint. Walk wid your chin up, like you're lookin at da cloudz. Shoulders back. Tiddies out. Ass out. Like a rubber duck. Cluck cluck suck suck now gimme ten bucks.

Oh ok. And what else? what about my face, and how I look?

Girl, you need to get you some wiiiiiiiiiiigz. Get some green ones. yallow. pink. green. orringe. purpahl. greeeen. Ummm... like, pink fading inta blonde, and like the other way round, so like blonde fading inta pink. Like ink. I don't even think when I drink, cuz it stink.

Oh ok, cool. and-

-Yeah, ant... you godda wear a lodda lodda make-up. You need ta look like Barbie. Girls love Barbie, but guys love her more. Dey wanna fuck her. Y'know? So. Yeah. A lodda make-up. Make sure you're using lots of Barbie colours. Pinks, light blues, greens, purpuuuhls, all the foundation and shit. Shitloads of it, cake it on like cupcakes, coz you don't wana look like MANSTA, you wana look beautiful like Barbie.

Oh ok, great. This is so inspiring Nicki. Any other tips?

Well, let me think....oooowww...that hurts. Um. Oh, when you talk, you godda try and say some words funny. Like baby does. And you godda make your eyes reeeaaaauully biiiiiiig sometimes, and make weird faces too. Roll your eyes and wiggle your head. Coz you wana look like Barbie, nod a fuckin mansta. Or a Duhungeon Drahagon.

Oh wow! see Nicki I never EVER would've thought to do anything like this! It's so different and unusual. I can already feel a new girl growing inside me. All I need to do now is spent a truckload of money on wigs and make-up and slutty clothes. I mean I guess I can just cut up some of my stuff. Like cut my long skirts into really short ones. So I look like a slut.

Yeah, well y'know, Barbie is a slut. Coz dat is where I get my inspirayshin. I got Barbie dolls all over my house. All up in da cubbids, in da draws, unda da floorboards... Barbie dolls everywhere, comfort me like teddybears, cum in me like Teddy's jizz, den run from me like police is.... And Polly says, dat she's nod a lez, but tell me why she gives me head in my garden shed.

Um, I don't know Nicki. I don't really know Polly. Is this Polly with the pigtails and freckles?

Bitch, it was jus parta da rhyme. I'm a rapper, bitch. And I'll slap a bitch. Blu-tac a bitch, to my green fingertips. Then I'll touch my clit. Let her taste my lips. I sound like Liddle Kimm, where'd you think I get this shit?

Wow Nicki, you're so talented. I'm totally in awe right now. I mean yeah you sound like Lil' Kim, but... like, you have your own....ummm....well..... I mean I guess you haven't been to jail. yet.

Uhhhh, what's dat supposed to mean? Barbie no go do jail...

Yeah, nothing, don't worry about it. Anyway, I'm gona go now and try to change the way I look so that I can look more like you and Barbie. But thanks so much Nicki...OMG...I can't wait to tell all those dick sucking bitches that I got beauty and tips and stuff from Nicki Minaj! They're gona be so JEALOUS! I'm so excited!

---------------find out how Whatever Girl gets on with her new Nicki Minaj inspired look, next time on the Stupendous blog!----------------------------------------------------------------------------------

I kinda just had to do it. Smooch

ok...

2011-01-08T01:37:00.000Z

DROP EVERYTHING!!! RING AN ALARM!!! SCREAM BLOODY MURDER!!! It's M.I.A's new mixtape ViCKI LEEKX! It's GLORIOUS!
I can't always fuck with M.I.A., but this time round she is delivering some CRAZY shit.

http://vickileekx.com/

smooch

You know what?

2011-01-06T10:51:00.000Z

It's shitty and annoying when it pisses down in London.

I wanna be like her

2011-01-05T01:24:00.001Z

This is how I'd like to look sometimes. I want to channel her. Minus the hair and the stupid skateboard.

Vogue Paris, November 2010

(by the way, did i mention that i'm a guy? ahahahahahabdajkjfjjfjasf)

Mango Jango 2010

2010-12-30T01:35:00.000Z

Exhibited at FazendaUK,

13 Leyden Street, London E1 7LE

November 2010- January 2011

Mercy

2010-12-30T01:18:00.000Z

When I was little, I used to imagine Mercy as this black woman with shoulder-length straightened hair in a dark green and black exotic leaf patterned knee-length dress who would come running when you call on her, with her arms waving in the air and her head looking up to the sky as if thinking, screaming, "why?!"

I dunno.

I think...

2010-12-24T00:15:00.000Z

people want to taste my blood.
Thinking "What's it made of?"

"And the colour?"

Jungle

2010-12-03T20:32:00.000Z

acrylic paint, ink, sugar, twine/string fibres(?) and paper, on paper.

the other skechbook piece i did.

omg

2010-12-03T17:30:00.001Z

acrylic paint, sugar, twine/string fibres(?) and coloured paper, on paper.

just a little something in the sketchbook. waiting for the other one to dry.

Tell us what we need to do...

2010-11-26T12:29:00.000Z

...to make this happen:

just some quick little sketches for some work i wanna do soonish. although it's supposed to be a now thing, it kinda looks abit ancient Egyptian. haaaaay! Nefertiti gurrrrl, i see you!
i could half do the top style if i did a double-Alice Dellal, but my hair took tooooooo long to grow, so i guess if my hair does grow to twice what it is now, and if i ever decide to be a tranny, i can just do either of the bottom two.

no bitch, or bastard, could say shit.

smooch.

Whatever...let her scream

2010-11-16T13:19:00.000Z

She's probably just a bitch playing hard to get...

Delineation: Contemporary Dialogues with Drawing

2010-11-08T21:24:00.000Z

This was the work i did for the exhibition with TBC artist's collective at the Crypt Gallery from October 27th-31st 2010.

Attentive 2010

Attentive Green

Attentive Yellow

Attentive Pink

http://www.tbcartistscollective.org/TBC_artists_collective.html

work in progress

2010-11-08T21:10:00.000Z

OMG

2010-10-30T03:06:00.000+01:00

i'm so fucking disgusting. i'm part of the TBC artist's collective group show at the Crypt Gallery in London, Delineation: Contemporary Dialogues with Drawing, and i just haven't shown you my show pieces or even told you all about the show. boo. well it was a success, lots of people turned up and they all loved it. i have 2 or 3 bad pictures from the show, and a few of my work, but they're on my camera, and that's totally upstairs, so, i think i'll upload something tomorrow.

Thoughts in the morning

2010-10-25T09:18:00.000+01:00

While procrastinating on the act of getting out of bed, I thought
"I'm so glad you chose me. And I'll make you so happy"
Taken from the song 'choosey lover' on the One In A Million album by the late great Aaliyah.

But I do mean it.

Getting There...

2010-10-21T22:02:00.000+01:00

some snaps of work in progress. gona have to name the pieces too. not sure what though...

work in progress...

2010-10-14T16:43:00.000+01:00

i need to give her a hair cut, a body, and fix the ice lolly. and abit more on her face. but before she was looking like a screaming Grace Jones, so it's much better now. Grace is cool and everything, but that wasn't the look i was going for.

Try Again Motherfucker

2010-10-12T23:07:00.000+01:00

ugh. it came out sooo wrong. so i painted over it. this is a snap before i went over her face. gona try something different.

work in progress

2010-10-10T00:27:00.000+01:00

Toffee Apple

loads to do still, sort of, but it's nice to see things coming together.

work in progress...

2010-10-06T17:25:00.000+01:00

Strawberry Milkshake

this is Pandora, dribbling strawberry milkshake out of her mouth. i need to fix her face abit. her nose is a little bit shorter than what it is here, so i think the easiest thing to do would be to bring her eyes down abit. but so far so good i suppose. after this pic i actually brought her hairline on the sides back abit, it's a little too far forward right now.

more updates soon.

smooch.

sometimes you just gotta...

2010-10-04T20:33:00.000+01:00

Pandora climbing out the box to get to her freedom.
(that sounds really cheesy, but, at least it's positive)

ugh

2010-09-30T22:46:00.000+01:00

spammers are starting to post shit in the comments box. sorry guys, but i'm gona have to turn on that word verification thing, if it's not already turned on. boo!

This year Matthew, I'm going to be...

2010-09-28T15:11:00.000+01:00

...a cleaner.

Fascination

2010-09-27T00:17:00.000+01:00

i just remembered what i was gona blog about. which is good, coz i was about to write about something else that came up, but i cant really talk about that. apart from saying that i reeeaally shudda just went out tonight.

anyway, i know this is soooo stupid, but i dont care. its my blog.
so i was just listening to Fascination by La Roux. i really quite like that song. the way she sings it so...real-ly. like she just wants us to listen to what she's sayng more than anything else. like she's trying to convince us that the story is true, when it is and we may not believe her.
but whenever i heard the song before reading the lyrics today, i could've sworn in the chorus she was saying "dj" rather than the actual "we crave" after she says "old fascinations". i liked it more when i thought she was saying 'dj'. coz it was like, she was yelling out the first part of the chorus, and then shouts out to the dj (who would be playing the track), then carries on. i felt like that was so much stronger. can you imagine? La Roux was into the song so much, being blanketed by this crazy wonderful vibe, so much so that she yells out to the dj too, acknowledging his presence and skill, and almost like a plead to him to follow her, to stay with her and feel the vibe with her. i thought there was mild emotionally beauty in that. the way she's singing at that point, and how she has to take in another breath after shouting 'dj', it seemed so emotional, like how artists get in concerts and stuff, and to invite someone else into that heart-feel, seemed so lovely.

but that wasn't the case now was it?

smooch.

jungle girl

2010-09-23T23:09:00.000+01:00

Here is a work in progress. It will be part of a series of paintings, where we see jungle girls eating (suspicious, presumably magic or poisonous) ready-peeled Mangoes in the jungle. While/after eating, they feel nourished and revitalised, but then they start to lose their minds.

at the moment, the series is called 'Mango Jango'. i like that name. and the piece i'm working on at the moment is one of the samller pieces in the series, but i plan to have 1 or 2 larger pieces. so much to paint. i'm hoping this can get me back into the groove of painting, since i got more serious work to do for end of october. it's quite scary, but i should be able to push through.

ummm. ok, so..the girl, this girl, that i'm gona show u in a peep, i dont know what she is. i was aiming for an Indian girl. but...i dont know. i think anything dark will do. i want dark skinned girls for these pieces. and she looks cool. she looked awful when i first started painting her. i dont have any big brushes at the moment, so i was using fairly small ones (small for the size of painting i'm doing) which ended up giving her these streaks which look like wrinkles and baggy skin. but i started using a sponge too, and that helped abit, but i still need a bigger brush.

so as you can see, she has mango juice around her mouth, after eating one of those suspicious ready-peeled Mangoes. she isn't acting weird or anything, but the next 2 girls will already be experiencing the effects of eating the strange fruit. i might give this girl abit more juice actually. i want it to look as though she kinda went crazy. but at the same time, i want to keep the burst of colour quite contained in that one small area on the painting. the rest needs to be dark, as dark as i can get it without it being too dark to see anything.

i'm gona fix her hair as well, and the background. the whole thing should be smoother in appearance too. i hope.

but wish me luck. theres so much to do. for her and for the rest of everything else i need to do. i could die. but at least it's something i'm more than happy to do. i look forward to seeing it all finished.

i just had a look at that unintentionally dark picture, before the mango juice, and i found that i actually really like it. i didnt want to show it, but i kinda wanted to post the progress. but the darkness in that picture is kinda perfect. i'm wondering if a dark/black wash over the painting (save the mango juice) once it's complete will turn the lights off in the picture?

anyway, i'm gona go. i'm not gona paint anymore tonight. leave it til 2moro, where i'll be freash and ready. i started painting this a few hours ago. like after 7 i think.

i think i'm kinda back on the blog now. and i got a whole backlog of shit to catch up on from you guys. help.

blog soon. smooch.

But then tonight...

2010-09-08T02:18:00.000+01:00

...I totally did. On some whooole other shit.

And in the background...

2010-09-08T02:16:00.000+01:00

Kelis said:

"I won't"

She was right. She spoke to me that night. I was her. That voice was mine. In my head, I said, "I won't".

Pandora the Destroyer

2010-08-21T00:23:00.000+01:00

and Lil' Kim said (on the track 'Suck My Dick' from her album Notorious K.I.M.):

"Ni**a, fuck you!"

i can't remember when, but it seemed so appropriate. i thought about it, and now, this... this is what, i didnt say, but also a better version of what i thought i could've said. in my head. you don't even have to understand that. but just understand this. Lil' Kim speaks the truth.

and one person who understands all too well...

Pandora.

KABOOM.

smooch.

By The Way

2010-08-16T01:35:00.001+01:00

i think Freja (on the left) looks so beautiful here. everything about it, i just love it. a really cool editorial and i'm glad i have it in the flesh. in the pages of V.

Tonight

2010-08-16T01:18:00.003+01:00

tonight, on the bus, i wrote:

"I could cry.
I WANT to cry.
I don't know what happened. or what planet or time i came from.
People try to help. They mean well. sometimes they're right.
But then at the end of it, i always feel like i'm not good enough. i'm inadequate. i'm stupid.

I want to ignore it all. see for myself.
that's nonsense. i dont wana fail in life.

but more and more, it seems and feels as though i'm almost nothing.
what i want is so simple. but here, and now, it's not enough. the world is telling me it's not enough. i cant get/achieve this simple dream without stretching my hands into pots i dont think are necessary to go near.

how can the standard of (some parts of) life and (some) things have dropped so much, yet demand even more than what was previously needed?
How can the struggle to be a star be so tough, yet still be up against people as shite as Lady Gaga?

I don't care. I. I can't possibly have been made for this time. or cirty. or planet.
i'm not fast enough. or smart enough. i dont want enough.

fucking 'style bibles' give you pages and pages of shit, yet people worship them. i walk through art shows like a desperate run to the corner shop for milk. (i deliberately slow down simply to 'look' interested and cultured, but i often dont give a fuck.) i'm very open minded. but i'm also not interested. i have to change. to survive. but. i dont know.

this is why i cant look too hard at other artists. or other art. i lose myself. my opinion of myself isn't where it should be. but it gets worse when different parts of life and things are presented to me.

i feel like i cant handle this life. this world. these people. this pressure.
it's a new world. and i have to join. it's compulsory.

it's just me. it's not fair. i wish i could be a new me. without having to endure a painful, exhausting, self-shedding, soul-ditching process.
i just want to be me. not who i have to be to survive. and i want the world to accept that, deal with it, and accomodate for it.

new thing. i think this is a...time. a phase. a tunnel, a long one. with refreshments dotted throughout.
it cant be this. this cant be life. this cant be a permanent black cloud over me. this negativity must just be part of the air inside the tunnel, and not coming from the other end. the outside. the real.

i felt so embarassed. i felt like my flaws, my mistakes, my naivety and stupidity and possibly ignorance, were being laid out on a table in front of me, with this person going through them all. and everyone around me could see and hear and roll their eyes and nod their heads in pity and disappointment.
i couldve cried then too. i shouldve. i shouldve made him stop. i shouldve just. like "stop. please." and retreat back to my little bubble.

And baby i'm fragile. and some people think i'm not.

people literally look at me and laugh in the street. i don't care. but it still aches a little.
some think i can take it. that i can be rough. or that i've got a mouth on me. or something to say. or something to show. or a big, loud personality. i don't."

--------------------and i continue hereon what i couldnt on my journey-------------------

i don't have much. what did she expect me to say? or do? she said hello, complimented my hair and my style, i said thank you, then from the sky, a huge brick wall came crashing down between us. dust. the conversation died. no sweetheart. i'm not some star. or stylist. or well-known or interesting or important person. you won't gain anything talking to me or knowing me. i have nothing to give. or show. i'm not achingly cool. i just have big hair and colouful clothes. with nipples that are sometimes revealed when my low cut vest moves too much either side of my body. my appearance is not very representative of who i am or my personality. i think people get it wrong sometimes. i'm shy, underconfident and tend not to give much away on the first meeting. i felt sorry for her. and her friends. poor little social workers or whatever who made the (drunken) effort to approach me in the pub and try to have a conversation with me coz they thought i looked cool and interesting. oops. can i buy a NUN outfit really cheaply on ebay?

new thing. And earlier on, my throat was calling for something. i won't say what. but the 'hunger' was there. and so real, like never before.

the body really does call. but body-calling. You know how R.Kelly said his body was calling for you? yes you. well. i like. i mean, recently, i thought of body-calling. not as in, 'body is calling', like "my body, calling, for you..", but more like 'and you're body-calling me'. you know what i mean? like... calling for your body. calling for my body. me. but me as part of my body. and you and your body are calling for me and my body. maybe it's the same as what R.Kelly was talking about. but i think it seemed a little different. that was something else. either way. it's in my head. body-calling. this silent, loving, sexual thing that's only seen from the person who is being body-called. body-called, interrupted in their thoughts on other things. because they sensed it. and they tell it back to the person body-calling them, "...and you're body-calling me" in the smoothest, most warm thick-sensual, deep blue purple and indigo, Aaliyah-esque way. i'm talking alot of shit in this post. but it's my shit. and i mean it.

these song lyrics, really inspire me sometimes. i wana do something about the body-call. artistically. somehow. and. you know Erykah Badu's song 'window seat'? well, there's a bit where she says
"i need your energy"
but to me, it sounded like she could've been saying
"i need you in the jeep"
i love that. 100 times more than the original line. i could cry to it. to tell someone, "i need you in the jeep" is so..sweet, beautiful even. in my opinion. to
me, it means,
'i want you here, with me, in this jeep. i'm gona play the music loud, and i'm gona drive around in the sun, on this beautiful saturday. i'm gona let go. it's the weekend. i'm gona be care free. i'm gona have fun. i wana feel so good. but i need YOU here with me. YOU are the one, the friend that will thread this all together and make it work. the one that will make this a beautiful moment where i could cry coz it feels so good. you are so important to me. it's 1995, and i need you in the jeep.'

know what i mean?

anyway, i've totally written a thesis, so i'm gona stop making your eyes even more sore, and retire to bed. via the kitchen. i need a wee. and i need to sleep. busy week ahead.

you guys take care, and have fun. i shall be back soon. with a drawing. maybe. (i always say i'll have a drawing, i'm so full of shit.)

smooch

Pleasures...

2010-08-13T00:06:00.000+01:00

I nearly passed out when i saw that the new issue of i-D magazine with Naomi on one of 3 covers (Kate Moss and Lady Gagging, taking up the other 2 spots) was out, a day early! i was so unprepared. and within 30 seconds it was mine. Kate however is no-where to be seen. And Lady Gaga is simply not wanted. by me. People need to wake up and smell the floater she left in their toilet, it smells SO bad.

So anyway. i dont even need to say anymore. it's Naomi bitches.

Then there's Kate. She's also on the cover of Vogue UK's September issue. looking amazing. would've liked a 30+ page editorial from her instead of the rather small one inside, but oh well. She effortlessly impresses.

Then we have my favourite girl from the new skool, (after Jourdan Dunn of course), Freja Beha. She had the Vogue UK August issue, and the Vogue Paris August issue, and is also featured inside Interview magazine for August too. that's the only reason why I bought it, it's a great editorial, and she looks crazy.

oh my.

i just said...

2010-08-08T21:56:00.000+01:00

"...but i just wana move on
i'm so ready
i might not be
but i so am"

i feel like i don't even care what happens next. but i wanna be sure something will happen next. don't wanna be stuck in limbo. it's like, i can't let the wheel stop. but i want it to go slower.

but fuck wheels(/butt fuck wheels?). i wanna fly.

Happy Birthday

2010-08-07T03:12:00.000+01:00

to me.

Today, during my lunch break or whatever, i was fine. but then i sat on a step in some alley-way, to eat my sandwich. i could cry thinking about it now. but i don't know what happened. something inside me just dropped. sank. like. i can't really say it here. but i was thinking along the lines of 'what am i doing?'

i went into this place. you know when you're not really thinking of anything. mind was so clear. and it was so quiet where i was sitting. and i had a little text conversation with someone i hadnt spoken to in ages. and that put me in a place. i felt so easy, and at peace. but also kind of like...i don't know. chatting with them, sort of cheered me up, but also calmed my thoughts. and everything felt still. this temporary peace. there was something so nice about it. and talking to them. you know when you havent spoken to someone in a while.

and sometimes i try to imagine...people who go through periods of their lives where they are unhappy. well just today really. other days too, but today, it felt closer to home. and i thought to myself "am i unhappy?". i don't know if i am. sometimes i'm numb. and i'm patient. so i can't always tell. but if i am unhappy, i don't want to be.

i think. i think it's different things. saying i'm unhappy is abit black and white, when really i feel it's abit more than that. i feel scared. nervous. guilty. inadequate. slow/stupid. and these come together to form this black cloud which surrounds me. i feel like it shows. i used to be so much better. i feel like i've lost something.

i don't even know where to take this. but i havent blogged in ages. and i needed somewhere to let it out. maybe a drawing soon. we all deserve it.

oh. and i was sooooo ill today. on my fucking birthday. 22. damn. but it came and went. it's like, i cant have my birthday, then go back to the previous age. i dont wana grow old. it will become more...certain, that i'm going to die. death terrifies me. i'll get to an age where i know i won't live for much longer. i can imagine those years being filled with nights where i cry myself to sleep. i dont want to be old. but i also dont want to die young.

and if i carry on typing, i'll go deeper into my thoughts and prevent myself from sleeping tonight. i feel weird. and i felt weird, today. do you think my body knew that this was the day (yesterday) that i was born..??

smooch

something bad happened early this morning...

2010-07-04T12:57:00.000+01:00

it was nearly 4am. or just 4am. i was walking down brick lane, going home. i had confirmation earlier that night that i looked the shit. i must've looked the shit, fucking fly, because as i walked down brick lane, some black dudes, probs in their late 20's, started shouting homophobic abuse at me. they had just finished doing it to some other people, then saw me, in my afro and Adidas x Jeremy Scott trainers, (which on their own, shit on the whole wardrobes of all 5 or 6 guys being shits to me), and started shouting shit at me, and then throwing chips at me, none of which hit me, but i swear, i wanted to breathe fire at that point. i wanted to roast them. but, i'm not a fighter. i can't. and i defo wouldnt be able to hold my own against 6 big ignorant black guys. so i carried on walking and 'ignored' them. thing is, these guys are idiots, who will remain the flaw of our race because they refuse to move forward. they're below me. below us all. but how at the same time can they still affect me a little bit? it was kinda scary. it still sort of hurt. but i'm glad that was all that happened. and i'm glad that none of the chips got stuck in my afro. i wouldve looked like a dirty, steaming hot mess. i couldn't.

but it's ok. i'm still here. blogging with less and less art to show. it's weird, coz apart from that, i had such a nice day. with friends. a new magazine with lovely pictures inside. finding out that i got an A for my final major project. it was all good. and i suppose all that, and the things and people i do love, enjoy and care for are more important, than dwelling on the joy-blocking people of today.

but hopefully, the homphobes will change their ways. or just carry on, and end up suckin' dead, burnt pussy in hell. enjoy.

smooch.

The definition of...

2010-06-28T22:58:00.000+01:00

...CRAZY. the hair on this lady is absolutely insane. amazing. smooch.

i feel like i'm in some...

2010-06-22T00:30:00.000+01:00

yet i continue to procrastinate. i am the absolute worst. that ever walked the Earth. the UNIVERSE. it's not even that i hate my job. i love it. but it scares me. and i worry that i don't, won't or can't do it well enough. i'm scared of failing or looking bad. yet here i am, on my blog, when i should be working. i am stubborn. i am awful. terrible. but all i WANT to do is draw and paint. ~~i wouldnt complain if all i could afford was art supplies and food.~~ maybe i would. i'd want other shit too.

and i wana grow, and change for the better, and be better. and know more, about all sorts. and i know i have to work for it. but. my stubborn, silly, numb side refuses, or causes me to procrastinate. waste valuable time. because he knows that we'd both rather not. how could he?

so. this is really good for me. my job. really important, valuable experience. i know it is. and to be a part of it all is great, and would be great when it's even bigger. but i gotta work. and i know that. but it still scares me. i feel small and young, and fuck it, kinda stupid too. there's a first time for everything. but i wish i wasnt so afraid of it all. of growth and maybe change and more responsibility. i gotta grow up. but i dont wana do it alone. i want the growth and the change and the experience to be be invisible. passing through me and affecting me without me knowing. but still gaining all that i need. i don't want to feel the fear. i want to be numb. i want to be a robot. numb like a robot. then i could get on with shit. do do do instead of want want want. i'm awful, terrible. do what i need to do well, then turn the feelings back on and enjoy it.

...

i better go. hope u guys are ok though (why is 'though' spelt like that?). this is just some whatever. blog soon. smooch.

p.s. my next post MIGHT have a drawing or some kind of artini in it. but if not, don't be mad. i'm just abit shit sometimes :)

i really don't...

2010-06-19T02:44:00.000+01:00

...need to do this, but, it's too late. i'm here now. and. i lost my little pocket sketchbook thingy. i cant think where. it was personal. had some. no. it had LOTS of drawings in it. and written shit. and important notes. and i've lost it. i think. how could it be? i cant find it anywhere in my room. some Angel, please come to East London. to my house, in my room, and present me with this important little book with little bits of me on the pages inside. it's so personal. so private. intimate. sexual. sensual. i'm bullshitting. but it is personal and private. i can't bear the thought of someone, anyone, just picking it up, opening it, and looking at the things i wrote. and the pictures i drew. and laughing. this isn't what i came here for. but i wanted to say something about it while i'm here anyway. i've never quite said it like this yet. it's just been thoughts so far. but i feel stolen. and then discovered somewhere, without my consent. ashamed a little bit. what will they think of me? save me. please tell me and show me that this isn't really happening. it's like

"i felt all flushed with fever,
embarassed by the crowd,
i felt he found my letters,
and read each one aloud/out loud(?)"

i want whoever finds it to throw it away, into the Thames, and never speak of it. or the roadsweeper to sweep it up and put it in the bin. i hope it gets consumed by fire. or ruined and the pictures and words destoyed by rain. if i can't have it, i don't want anyone else to.
i just can't believe it. i hope it isn't true.

but...i'll be back soon. hopefully with some good news, about something (did i just waste like 5 minutes of your life? sorry). until then, u ~~whores~~ love-joys take care of yourselves, and eachother. smooches and snogs.

Treadmill- Graphic Design Degree Show 2010

2010-06-18T02:21:00.004+01:00

i'm just gona post up some pics, not even go into some longness about it. it's late, and i really wana go sleep. but if i dont do this now, i'll NEVER do it!

that's my work above, with the wallpaper i designed.

ok, so blogger is really trying to make a fool out of me and my blog but blatantly not placing the pictures in any proper order, and it actually just fucking with me. so. the second picture with the red wallpaper is Erd's. get more info on his work and other him things here http://iamanoctopusunderwater.blogspot.com/

and then obvs, the other pictures are a couple views of the show.

back soon. smooch.

How've you been?

2010-06-11T01:36:00.000+01:00

so, due to popular demand (Noodles), i'm doing a post on my cacti!!! i won't show them all, because not all of them have made much progress. i'm actually quite disappointed in Mackaronie. he's been VERY lazy, and isn't growing into a massive beautiful cactus. although i still love him much and is very beautiful already.

now onto the growers. remember Army? look at her now! that top bit is abit bigger now.

and next. this is actually abit...bad. it's Seven. i ripped his head off. but only because it looked really gross. i couldnt look at him too close anymore. it was getting all wrinkly and brown and dead and it looked disgusting. i hate shit like that. u might not be able to see properly, maybe click on the image...?? plus the images arent great either. they looked fine on the camera, but here they're abit shit.

and finally, the one i'm most proud of, it's NYNO!!! he grew a flower! (make fun of him and i'll shoot you)

it was just so unexpected. Trillion has grown flowers before, but they never fully bloomed. but Dyno completely suprised me. all of these pictures were taken about a week ago, but Dyno still has his flower tot his day. i'm so impressed!

so thats the cacti news. everyone is fine. Frank Tuff is healing well from that scalpel wound i gave him. Scarbra Fair looked like she was dying so i overloaded her with water from the sacred glass Coca-Cola bottle.

which reminds me, you guys havent seen my Coca-Cola jacket!! i'll have to take a picture of it sometime. it's kinda bad coz it's sort of an advert for Coca-Cola, not that i care much, but apparently they are a tad immoral. but if you know me or understand me, you'll understand how me having that jacket makes sense. like POW.

i think that's all i got for u guys, for now. i'll be back with something cool. i hope. not just for your sake but for mines also. i need to make art! smooch!

p.s. i have the june/july issue of Vogue Paris. Kate Moss. Freja Beha. KA-POW.

some art work and shit

2010-06-09T03:51:00.000+01:00

oh my goodness. it's 03:30am. ok.

sooo, i just finished writing some artist statements for some drawings i did. aaaand, like i try to write what i feel while making sense, but i got a feeling i kinda just didnt. like people won't get it. oh well. here we go...

The two drawings above are from a series called Ready To Die. although at the moment, they're the only ones in the series. the first girl is getting eaten be beetles, and the second by piranhas. here's the thing i wrote about it:

Artist Statement 2

My work at this point takes inspiration from a Crypt. Dark, dead, and below the Earth’s surface. In my mind, thoughts of death and suffering seem to be glued to the idea of a Crypt. But my work normally takes on themes of beauty and perfection.

So I combined them, to see how dark feelings can be interrupted by something which doesn’t quite fit. But this is no illusion. Suicides are often committed purely for achieving freedom from things that can’t seem to be escaped in life. From the outside, it seems awful and sad. But from the inside, among the possible wild waves of fear, there must be a whisper of joy somewhere, just before it’s over, right? Maybe.

The young women in my drawings are not afraid at all. They were ready, and that whisper was in fact some form of still, silent orgasm.

These brave, troubled young women are giving up on life, allowing themselves to be eaten alive by Beetles or Piranhas. Yet for a change, it looks rather pretty, because for the first time in a long time, they feel at ease. This is the point where they know what happens next, where freedom is only minutes or seconds away.

- - - - - - - - - - - - - - - - -

ok, so that's that. let me know if i sound like a confused dick.

next drawing, i called 'Changes'. this might be part of a series too. depends on the reception...

Artist’s Statement

This current form of my work takes a behind-the-scenes approach to my practice.

In being influenced by things that i think are created beautifully, I find myself trying to make only the best parts of my work visible. Anything I think is unacceptable I try to remove all traces of. Or I start again.

But in this current work, I attempt to reveal my process of making something perfect, especially at the drawing stage, and give insight into how many times something can go wrong, or not look the way I want it to, and how I might make changes to correct it. However, with the parts I wasn’t happy with, I censored them, blackened them out, still hiding the flaws.

And in our lives, don’t we do the same sometimes? We edit ourselves until we think we got it right, right? Even in the smallest ways. And some spend money making ‘physical’ changes, like what I do on paper or canvas. Completely new noses, new eyes, new lips…

The im/moral of this story? There’s nothing wrong with changes, as long as they lead to something positive.

- - - - - - - - - - - - - - - - -

ok, so that last line, it's debateable. a serial killer who cuts off people's noses and keeps them for when he needs a change of appearance could say the same thing. THAT'S why you have the option of the having the word immoral or moral. get it?

anyway, can you not click on 'changes' to make it larger or zoom in on it, coz it turns out you can still see the shit that i tried to black out.

ONE MORE THING! the biography. written by some stranger. omg u guys are gona see my real full name!

Biography

James Tuitt is an Artist, Illustrator and potentially a Graphic Designer, depending on the brief. He has been known to listen to advice from naysayers and uncreatives with their plans B’s, take it seriously for up to two days, before releasing it back into the atmosphere, thus enabling him to carry on with his journey toward being a respected Artist. Without being a plumber on the side.

******

haha, you like how i made it sound like the 'powers and abilities' section of an X-Men character's bio? u do dont you? yeeaaahhh, stop shitting me. you do.

so i'm gona go bed now, so i can wake up at a time which is simply unbearable.
i shall be back here soon anyways. take caries. smooch.

The Creature (of the night) and the Creatures (in the night)

2010-06-08T02:02:00.000+01:00

"4/6/10
23:00pm
(Friday Night)
on the 26 bus at Bishopsgate

i'm losing my tolerance for human beings.
why must this woman take her shoes off on the bus, exposing her nasty, heavily wrinkled feet? she is disgusting. the crowds are disgusting. the friday and saturday night crowds make me sick. this woman. i felt to just get off the bus so i don't have to see it.
UGH
(and this bus doesn't want me to write)
my friday night is being SHITTED on. i swear, if i finish business late tomorrow, i'm walking to waterloo.
in the quiet dark.
i dont want to see ANYONE.
**
and then these disgusting bitches.
i'm going through Shoreditch now. it's ok if it's me, but most other people disgust me. so many other humans disgust me.
is it me? and a small amount of others? becoming some sort of 'post-human'? i'm so over these people. they cause me to walk unnecessarily long distances, just to avoid them. they make me even let a bus go, so i dont have to be on a journey knowing they are on my bus.

this woman's coochie. i can't believe she has one. it's disgusting.

i'm done.

by the way, she has no business reading that magazine. it has NOTHING IN THERE FOR HER!"

...he wrote. what the fuck happened to my mood that night? i dunno.
was it really that bad? yes.
but i think...it was just how i felt at the time. that time of the night. i don't always hate people at all. but i've grown to prefer the night in solitude. like, if i'm on my own, i'd rather be on my own. lately, i've been taking the long way home, the really long way home. i'd walk from...somewhere, in the east maybe...right down to the south side of the river. at around 1am, in that warm summer darkness. i could cry. i could sit on the bridge, or anywhere and cry at how wonderful it is, and how wonderful it feels. it's like being hugged by the night. and i'd wana sit there until the sun comes up. then go home. i should.

but since when did i become so...vampiral? (haha, is that even a word? noooo.)emotional? emotional towards things that have no emotion. a yellow coke bottle and a cactus. more feelings close to the heart towards these things, or a warm night on my own, than for a few hours with...certain people. or doing certain things.
the night can be so mean sometimes. and winter nights are ruthless. but like this, it's gorgeous. but if everyone knew that, i'd have no escape. everyone would want a piece of the warm peace. i'd have to run to the hills. screaming.

no idea how to end this blog post. smooch.

Lil' Kim was right...

2010-06-02T09:34:00.000+01:00

"n*ggas ain't shit but they still can trick..."

Limits

2010-06-02T01:16:00.000+01:00

i push and push and push and push and push, until i finally get out of bed, KNOWING i'm going to be late. and there's two sides to this realisation. one side is like "shit". but the other is strangely...content? like, 'it's ok, i've accepted the fact i'm going to be late'. acceptance. how could one accept that? and how, when lateness is something one does try to avoid? ummm. ok, and then they kind of merge. so it's like "shit." but a quiet shit, like... saying 'shit' while your brain shrugs it's shoulders. shit-i-dont-care. or, shit-oh-well.

and on that note, i shall be creating some work soon. yay! well i should be. and i will, although i dont know what it is, or what you will see first. just gotta wait n see. POW! snog.

Danger Zone

2010-05-28T03:27:00.000+01:00

i can't believe i'm about to do this, but this period is over. THAT period is over. so it's ok.

i'm gona show you all my bedroom floor, the night before/morning of my final hand in, where i'm trying to get all my shit together. and oh. oh-no's and cry-cry's. it really looks like some proper hardcore shit went down, like an earthquake or something. take a look at this:

i've cleaned my room up since then. but this is what my bedroom looked liked whenever i had a big deadline for uni. these are the conditions i was working in. everything came out and unravelled and, lost it's place. loss of space.

and this is why, when most people say, their place is a mess or whatever, i'm just like "whatever". because i KNOW its not as bad as the mess i make sometimes. and can i just remind you guys that it's no longer like this. y'know, thankfully, most of the mess i make is paper, so its as simple as sorting it and getting rid of/recycling it. it doesnt even take that long to clear up either, but just looking at it can be...deadifying.

anyways, i was supposed to go to bed like a hundred years ago, so i'm gona go now, but i shall try and blog soon, hopefully with some drawings or some shit. smooch.

ANY QUESTIONS?!

2010-05-22T02:24:00.000+01:00

i thought not

Guessing game...

2010-05-16T02:35:00.000+01:00

Pandora is...

a) pissing in a bush?

b) shitting in a bush?

c) masturbating in a bush?

...

2010-05-14T03:35:00.000+01:00

i actually, seriously, nearly just cried. i felt the sting. and i was so ready to let it go. i'm so ready to let it go now. i'm just letting it come. the tears are climbing over the fence, i can feel them. but i can't. it's there but i can't. i will not. it's ok now. just research torture methods. groupthink. lollipop making. fuck lollipop making. fuck it all. fuck it. i dont care. i do. i will 2moro. but now, like upstairs, i was tearing shit up. not even using a scalpel or scissors. my finger tips on my left hand are sticky. a potential hazard to that clean white card.

i need help. i really feel like i've done something bad. like i'm gona suffer. i know my grades wont be amazing. its too late for that now. but.

ok. so i'm gona do some research now. print some pictures out again. i'm fucking out of spray mount and almost out of double sided tape. FML.

but i think i'll be ok. just work. have some coffee. i've done this at the end of more or less every semester for 3 years. i been doin this since college. and look at me. i'm blogging.
but u know what...i just needed to say it. to write it. even though it wont even matter 2moro. fuck msn. that shit is long. that shit is interrupting me. distracting me. i'm just babbling. this is the part i dont like.. that last stretch to make everything fit into an A2 portfolio. to make sure it all makes sense. thats why i'm blogging. there's a whole heap of other shit i'd rather be doing than last minute research. like sleeping. and there'll be none of that tonight. no pussy tonight. its 3:30am. too early/late to blast music. please, i dont wana go back into that dark pit of the-night-before-hand-in. it's awful, lol. it's pure shit. actual shit. and i'm still here babbling. i'm gona post this, then i'll st.... no. i'm gona make a cup of coffee first, then i'll start research.

i'm so bad. when will i learn? and this time it wasnt even my fault. i swear i did alot of work. i couldve worked a bit harder, but...come on, i havent worked like this in all my 3 years at uni. i made fuckin' wallpaper. but seriously, time management... i need to sort it out.

anyways, i'm off. blog soon with some other shit. this is it guys...

smooch.

SHEEN.

2010-05-13T01:13:00.000+01:00

so my wallpaper arrived, and it's beautiful. shinier than i thought it would be, but its perfect. i'm not even gona blab about it. cant be bothered. just eat this and orgasm.

i could scream.

Popcorn, not Poppers...

2010-05-11T21:56:00.001+01:00

"i wetcha
like hurricanes and typhoons
got buffoons
eatin' my pussy
while i watch cartoons"

"i got the tightest,
rightest vagina
even got my name on
the menu at the diner"

working...

2010-05-10T23:18:00.000+01:00

Nice Packet

2010-05-10T23:16:00.000+01:00

i saw this and my brain exploded inside my skull. i had to have it. it's so lovely, the colours and everything about it. the yellow could be slightly more intense, but then it's fine as it is, since milkshake is milky anyway. lovely packet for lovely sweets. definately a keeper.

yes, it appears i do collect random shit. but i love it. i want a house filled with 'pop'.

Thirsty?

2010-05-09T00:04:00.000+01:00

"open your mouth, swallow the skeet, mmmm*lip smack*, bon appetit"

Chocolert

2010-05-03T23:38:00.000+01:00

Shweeties!

2010-04-30T23:06:00.000+01:00

the stuff i made/ carried on making today...

"(do she) slurp it? rub it? jerk it? ride it?" - Lil' Kim

Pop Corn

2010-04-30T23:01:00.000+01:00

so last week or something, i bought this. i forgot to post it. it's plastic. and i love it.

but after taking that picture today, i realised what i was gona use it for:

just because the box says 'pop corn' on it, doesnt mean there has to be pop corn IN it.

smooch.

Heart Of Glass?

2010-04-30T02:24:00.000+01:00

i knew this for a while...well, i didnt KNOW, but i thought it could be true. but i pretty much ignored it. but now i know it is true. Coca-Cola does taste better from the glass bottles. i had some the other day in a restaurant with my friend Paul. the Coke tasted absolutely beautiful. i think i was coming down from a Coke high at that point, but that glass just dragged me right back in. it tasted like...if God himself made a limited edition Coke, with a special heavenly ingredient. it was DIVINE! it's like the essence of life and nature was in this glass. it was so special. so PURE. i felt like i could be granted eternal youth upon drinking it.

so i decided, if Coke tastes better from glass bottles and has healing and life lengthening properties, then from now on, i'm going to water my plants with water from a glass Coke bottle. it should make the water taste crisp and magical, and cause my plants to flourish even more than they already do. genius.

A Good Deed

2010-04-29T00:23:00.000+01:00

second hand. Nike Dunks. £25. purchased. a good deed indeed.

And Remember Children...

2010-04-29T00:04:00.000+01:00

...always eat your gummy bears after eating crisps. it gets all the crisps out your teeth! :)

In The Night

2010-04-28T02:14:00.000+01:00

i really hate what the night can do to me. i think i've mentioned this before. about an hour ago, i was in bed, and the night, the darkness...i dunno. just like grabbed the backdoor of my mind, and sucked it away into this dark bottomless hoover sack, leaving my conciousness falling into this black nothingness, i guess the creepy back garden of my mind, exposed to all the fears and worries that don't seem to exist or matter in the day.

i couldve cried. or died, just now. the night kind of, caught me. caught me at a bad time? or, maybe it's that i was in an inbetween state, between sleep and being awake? but it caught me. and it pulled me into this dark place.

and the things i was thinking at this point...i swear, they never really came up before. number one. in fact i cant even remember the order anymore. but, ok. so, there was me thinking that, this final major project, could just fall flat on its face. it hit me, in the night, that i may run out of time. i often run out of time. i'm cursed. i'm a lazy artist. i like to do things in my own time. i destroy myself, and my life, by not always doing what i should or could be doing. like, i could work so much harder. but i know i often dont. and tonight, in that horrible darkness, that box opened itself up and showed me the results. the consequences. a final show which isnt anywhere near what i want it to be. and it scared me.

but thats not all, the second thing that haunted me tonight, was the fact that i could die at anytime.
every now and again, my sleepy thoughts fall into the water. and it's so terrifying. it had me thinking, i may not be alive when the TBC exhibition comes around. i may not even make it to my own degree show. i could die at any moment. and then the thought of the eternity after death kicks in. my brain simply cant handle it. i know i'll be dead, but i feel as though i'll be aware of the nothingness and the eternity it lasts for, and how unbearable it is. and it literally makes me twist and turn in bed, almost in tears, trying to pull my mind out of the deep dark water. trying to snap back to normal thoughts. i begin a process of trying to lift out my mind with thoughts of the daytime, the sun, fun times, Haribo. i sit up in bed and look around my dark room, still with echoes of the scary thoughts. i gotta get up and turn the light on. eat some Haribo (i try to always have a stash ontop my wardrobe).

its such a horrible feeling, i'm telling you. it aches in my chest. and i feel ready to cry, so ready, i swear. and my face feels as though its that screaming painting by Munch. ready to actually cry, with sound.

so now i'm here. gona transfer Nas' Illmatic album to mp3. gona make a sausage and cheese sandwich. i may not even sleep tonight. i feel like i should be working instead.

and its funny, coz just the other night, on my way home, i was thinking how beautiful the night is in the city. 1am walking the quiet streets. eliminate the lurking threat of being mugged or stabbed, walking the city in the night is sooo incredible. the silence and the solitude. and the space.

anyways, i'm gona make some food before its too late. its 02:11am now.
i shall hopefully be back soon with some work. erm. thats it. i dont think i have anything up my sleeve. yet.

happy days and porny nights to you all. smooch.

SILENCE!!! VIOLENCE!!!

2010-04-18T02:08:00.008+01:00

So heres some shit i did today. it's this other half project that i was just NOT doing, so i thought...well, i cant remember why i decided to do this. but something to do with not having something that i needed to carry on with the other stuff. so. here we go. it's Pandora, being bad again, but it's for my degree, so, dont cast hatred upon her. these scenes are mostly inspired by lyrics from Lil' Kim also. i thought it might be cool to continue that a bit.

"bitches like that get stomped out,
you know the rules, beat a bitch til she conk out"

"we gangstas, real gangstas n*gga,
kill you and cut the head off your baby sitter"

"my poppa taught me how to ride dicks,
cut 'em off, freeze 'em,
then use 'em as ice-picks"

and this was just a random one i did. i just clocked theres some blood missing from the left side. but, there should be some there. it's just a rough thing anyway so fear not.

the whole double, symmetrical thing came from the fact that in one way, the violent act is quite gruesome, but in another way, from the attackers point of view, it's a wonderful, pleasurable activity. so the flowers and stars are the symbol of fun times and replace the blood.
ummmm. and thats it. well, theres loads more i'm gona do. but this was just to start me off and get me thinking abit. still need to do research on this criminal business, buuuut, some fuckers reserved the books i was using, and i was getting charged a million, so i took those books back. gona fail my degree now, brilliant.

anyway, i must sleep soon. be back soon. u guys have fun and take care. smooch.

New Familaaaay!

2010-04-14T17:34:00.006+01:00

so i bought some new cacti today. i was planning to buy two, but i bought three instead:

first though, here's Trillion's baby. it's a girl, and i called her Army. it comes from the fact that she's kind of like an arm growing off the side, and also because she grew so big so quickly. but Army is a cool name anyway, and i think it's actually more Army, than Arm-y, u know what i mean? like, she's a heavy fuckin' Army. rather than she's an arm. plus it's also a cooler twist on the name Amy.

i called this one Dyno (pronounced Die-No). male. it comes from the fact that he looks like a dinosaur toy i really used to want when i was little.

This one isnt named yet. but it's a female. i might call her Carousel, because from the top view, she looks like a fairground ride. thing is, it's not an actual carousel she looks like, its another kind of ride, but i forgot what it's called so i'll do some research. however, it may just stay as carousel because the carousel is a commonly accepted/recognised symbol of a fairground. i'll get back to u on this. **update!! i'm gona go with the name Carousel. that pic underneath obviously isnt a carousel, but its the ride that i think Carousel (the cactus) looks like.**

And finally, we have Seven, a male cactus. i named him Seven, after the drink 7 Up, because when i first laid eyes upon him, i thought he looked lemon-lime flavoured. like 7 Up. delicious.

weeeeee! i'm so happy. and i'm gona take good care of my new babies FOREVER! send them some love please. smooch.

21

2010-04-12T23:01:00.004+01:00

("that's how many times i wanna cum, 21"

quote taken from "Big Momma Thang", by Lil' Kim on her debut album Hard Core. i love that chick too.

smooch.

*Oh no...

2010-04-12T22:51:00.003+01:00

...there's hardly any bitches on the planet that can fuck with me.*

love this girl. image taken from models.com, taken from W magazine (i guess the april issue 2010). i'm tempted to just buy the magazine myself. smooch.

dont know what to name this post. normally i'm quite alright coming up with cool names, but this time, my mind is like a poor man's fridge. empty.

2010-04-11T00:55:00.004+01:00

the popcorn packet is actually purple, but the yellow light makes it look gross. the gold bar reads:

"all i wanna do is
get my pussy sucked
count a million bucks
in the back of an armor truck"

taken from "Suck My Dick" by Lil' Kim on her Notorious K.I.M. album.

uummm, i think thats it. i just did those two things, and its now 01:00am. i can squeeze in some facebook time, then go to bed. and i might actually be going to CHURCH tomorrow (early rise, booooo!). people are gona look at me like "what??" and i'm gona be like 'yeah, whatever, u guys should be glad to see me, after you're always asking for me, telling me to come to church'. i'm gona wear my 3 tongue adidas trainers 2moro. thing is, i kinda have an excuse. i'm meeting my good friend Paul at 2pm outside the Tate Britain, so that gives me an excuse to wear what i want, and also gives me an excuse to just say hello to my grandma, then BREEZE past everyone else, before they try n stop me and talk to me. i just dont need to hear it. its the same thing everytime. i'm living, going about my business. thats what i'm doing. yes i'm still at uni. no i'm not working. i shouldve written it down for them like 2 years ago..

"yeah, guys, for the next two years, on my 4 visits to church, this is what's up:

*i'm at university, studying GRAPHIC DESIGN (for those who'll ask, "what r u studying again? design something?")

*i'm not working. i may tell u i'm looking for a job, but i'd be lying. the truth is, i know what i wana do and it's not an ordinary 9-5 in retail. i'm not gona waste time in Topman, folding clothes, or serving people at the counter. it's not art.

*yeah i'm ok. thanks.

*yeah, i'll try to come more often.
"

i'm a dirty lying corpse bride. smooch.

Over

2010-04-10T18:00:00.003+01:00

yep. it's over between me and that wallpaper. i did 8 rows instead of 10. i decided halfway through the 8th row that it was over. i'm not doing anymore. it would be a waste of precious time to do anymore. and it struck me today that i'm gona have to work VERY, VERY hard in the comng weeks. i'm gona have to make alot more 'products'. and i started worrying that i might not be able to do it all. not all of what i hope to do anyway. i stuck up some of the pieces onto the wallpaper. i didnt take the lollipops out, those are quite precious. but, i'm happy with...my direction. i know where i'm going, and i think it would be a cool space once it's done. but i just gotta make it work. i'm scared, abit, but theres not much else i can do apart from work like a complete BITCH.

and sun is out today and we're starting to get that gorgeous evening light, still a little while before it turns to that beautiful orange haze, but u know when u can kinda see it coming?.. it's just been so lovely the past few days. i feel like spring is actually here now. did i say that already? like in yesterdays post? whatever.

so. i dont know. i think now, i'm gona try n wash the gold off my hands for the last time. clear up my room abit. maybe eat. but at some point today, i gotta get back to work, or else i will fail. ugg.

i shall be back soon. smoochers.

Things to make and do

2010-04-09T20:51:00.003+01:00

i couldnt be bothered to do any real work today so i thought i'd do a little typo/colour experimentation instead. and after doing that, i'm now seriously thinking instead of flat colour behind text, i might just use actual packets and wrappers from real popular sweets and drinks and shit. so i'll be buying loads soon. and, i guess to get the wrappers ready asap, i'll have to eat/drink it all myself on the same day. oh dear (fuck yeah!).

i was meant to make more of the gold stuff today, but i couldnt b bothered. i might b able to do it later, coz the one in the previous post was from last night/this morning, i did it at about 2am, so late night working is kind of on the cards. but we'll see.

in other news....well, after a little think, i decided that there isnt any. oh shit. last nights/this mornings dream! i dont know WHAT got it into my head. but i CRIED in my dream last night. lemme tell thee:

so...i swear i was in Dalston, of all places. cant remember how i got there, or any of the dream before that, but, i was there, and my mission changed from whatever it was before, to looking for the April issue of Russian Vogue, and not being able to find it. so, whatever, i was walking down the street, which turned into a street just by the crossroads at Angel Islington, where the roads either go towards kings cross, old street, sadlers well's and bla bla bla. basically, that end of Angel high road. but anyway, i went left, to go get a bus home. the 30 bus. which doesnt normally stop down this road, and the road looked different, but its a dream, so whatever. anyway, i noticed this asian guy (not east asian, as in chinese, japanese, taiwanese or whatever, but more Indian, Pakistani etc. etc.) running towards the bus with his coat in his hand. and somehow i felt danger. this guy got on the bus, and i watched, and after a few seconds, the bus exploded. as in, bomb. suicide bombed. fuck? and the streets went crazy. the streets were filled. i swear i could hear news broadcasts all around me. i had visions of television screens showing the area, all the people and reporting what happened. and i was on my own, against a wall, with all these people around me. i didnt know, like what was gona happen. i was scared, but calm. but then the air slowly changed and it became less of a panic state but more of a carnival crowd or something? i remember some crowd-pushing going on, for fun, started by adults in their late 30's, but alot of people werent even into it. i wasnt either, but allowed myself to get pushed around, i couldnt be bothered. and then eventually it cleared. and i was walking down that same street. and i noticed more asian men, looking suspicious. either that or i had grown a knack for knowing who is a suicide bomber. i witnessed another explosion at some point. but by this time, there werent many people left in the streets. it was broad daylight, but most people scattered, ran off to safety. and i remember knowing that i could tell who was about to put people's lives in danger. and i saw another asain guy, across the road, and i started calling out to everyone around me to run. he saw me, and he was angry, pissed off that i blew his cover, and started coming towards me, so i ran, i dont know where. he blew himself up, hoping i'd die with him, but i had gotten far enough to not get killed or hurt at all. then i was going through this little park thing, a tiny little park thing, almost like a square i suppose. with palm trees. it looked like a little place i was in once when i visited Seville. and there were these army looking guys running around with guns, and i just remember how much i wanted to cry and just get out of there. i was going towards the exit of this little park thing and saw another asian man sitting on a bench. i ran. he had a gun. then there was another asian man running with me. the guy chasing us said he wont kill us if we stand next to the horse on the right or something. and down the street we were on, each side of the street was lined with horse shaped trees with white blossoms on them. me and the other victim guy ran towards the trees/horses, picking one of two that were next to eachother. apparently i picked the wrong one and was about to die. the guy had his gun to me, but i snatched it off him. but then he took out another one. and i snatched that off him too. but here's the trick. part of each gun fell off, like in slow motion, and somehow i knew that they werent really guns at all. they were bombs. i threw the bombs in front of me and somehow, i must've done a backflip or something, but i was in the air, and all i could see was the sky, and the tops of some taller buildings, then an orange flash below/behind me. i narrowly escaped my death again. now i cant quite remember what happened next, but i mustve baited up 2 more suicide bombers, because i had two of them chasing me. by this point, i had found myself with the city crowd again, all running like crazy, towards a station. i ran with them, through the station, jumped over the barriers in one go. something big was gona happen. people were shit scared. queueing at the phone box trying to call their loved ones, because somehow, something shut down in the city, where people's cards, phone credit etc. went to zero. i tried to call my mum, but my credit had been reduced to zero too. by this time, i was crying hard. i decided i was gona walk home, and make sure my mum and little sister were ok. on the way home tho, here i was near Bank, or on a road leading up to it, where, there was a movie being filmed.??? there was loads of water, like flood scale, those cameras on those big cranes, all these assisstant people, the director, and a big massive huge bigger than 2 jeeps sized black panther, who was actually able to follow orders and do his big leap again. but i just wanted to get home. i thought they were gona try n tell me to get out the way, or that the road was closed, but i managed to walk through it all. and i cant remember the rest. but i woke up like "wtf?"

why do i always get these fucking scary or weird dreams? dreams that make me cry?

anyway...it's time to go on twitter, facebook and all the rest. be back soon. smooch.

precious

2010-04-09T18:17:00.002+01:00

reads:

"good dick i cherish
i could be blunt
i treat it like it's precious
i ain't gon' front"

taken from "Not Tonight" by Lil Kim from the album Hard Core.

i fucked up the bottom of the gold bar abit, around where the light hits it. some of the spray mount drooled out from one of the apostophe's (spelling?) and got all smudged and it wont come off. so, poo that. but theres like 100(4) more i gotta make and i'm sure they'll come out better. i'll be alot more careful. gona go and do some work now. be back soon. smooch.

Entertainment

2010-04-07T20:32:00.004+01:00

i did this today. i also prepared the gold bars, as in, i made the nets, so all i need to do is cut out lyrics, and then construct the bars, like just fold them over and glue them. and this time i'm gona use dreaded spray-mount. i hate spray mount sooooooo much, it's like POISON! it gets all over my fingers and it NEVER comes off. abit like that gold spray paint.

but this popcorn test came out abit wrong, coz i spray-mounted the blue card, instead of spray-mounting the back of the writing. but whatever, i know now. so next time will b cool. but yeah. just a quickie today. no bullshit.

blog soon. smooch.

i shit gold

2010-04-07T00:48:00.004+01:00

i made some good shit today. they're just construction tests for the gold bars (made of gold paper) that i'm gona make, in the same style as everything else, with lyrics cut out of them. i really like the small one tho. i can make it into jewellery and sell it for millions!!! (what?) but these r gona b ruuuurrrl pretty when theyre done. oh but i need more gold card. so i'm buying some 2moro or thursday or possibly not at all with Erd. and i might die on the way too, because today when i went with him to the art supplies shop (yeah, i forgot to get gold card today, hence why i'll b going again), we passed the plant shop, and i saw that they have NEW CACTI!!! i was so excited, i nearly bought 2 today, but its too soon, so i'm gona wait til next week. but i've already run out of space at my window, so i have no idea where they'll go. i have another window, but the sun only gets thru it after like 5pm or something. maybe i can move Franc Tuff there. he doesnt seem to give a damn about the fact that i expose him to as much natural light as possible. he just doesnt seem to be growing. plus he's a tough guy anyway so he'll survive with a little less light than the others. Maybe the Bruno Brothers can join him too, plus theyre soooo spiky and i actually scraped my thumb on one of the spikes the other day so maybe the move will be good, and then i wont have to open my window really awkwardly to avoid getting pricked. so. i cant fucking wait til i get new ones! and they were so small and colourful and looked as though they needed love. so i shall rescue them soon.

and, so the work i did today..i kinda explained that already. but i did that, and another row of patterns on that wallpaper. 2 rows actually, so now theres 7. i'm aiming for 10, so hopefully i can get that done by the end of the week. i've seriously had enough of getting gold spray paint on my fingers. its so life threatening.

anyways, i'm off. i havent even done my proper facebook session yet and it's 01:05am!!! so, blog soon and smoochy smoochy.

gold update

2010-04-05T23:45:00.004+01:00

ugh. i dont even know what to say right now. but whatever. i did 10 more panels today. it looks nice now that theres more and i have a better idea of its overall look.

buts thats all i did today. i feel dead. actually, it just occured to me that maybe all i needed was Coke. plus, i completely forgot about the gummy bears i bought last night. i remembered the apple flavoured frog sweets i had, but i just forgot to eat them. so thats abit crap. but more for me 2moro. i think i might actually just buy loads of sweets, and then hide them and forget about them. then one day, open something up or move something out the way and see all these lovely sweeties looking at me, calling me.

what. ever.

all i wanted to do was post that picture. i'll blog soon guys. stay happy and safe. smooch.

more 'gold'...

2010-04-03T21:36:00.006+01:00

so, today this is all i did. more shower pissing wallpaper. i think its prettier than what i was gona do before though. and it reminds me of some 70's wallpaper i saw in Berlin. but it also looks kinda old, like 100 years ago style.
so thats how much i got done today, which means, i can do the same again in one more day, and that would be about half of what i want in the end. so its basically 3 days of this shit. then back to the other work. which is fine, i'm not even mad. i think it looks good.

my fingers...i probably have finger poisoning now, thanks to that gold spray paint. although i think i'm handling it abit better than when i first used it. see what i do now is, when i finish spraying the template thing, i put my hand inside a plastic HMV bag, as it was the only thing nearby that looked useful. so then i sort of grab the bag from the inside (reeeeally interesting info Stupendous, really interesting, i'm THRILLED right now...) and kind of just let the bag stick to my gold fingers. then i wait like 15 seconds, and peel off some of the blocking paper for the stencil in the meantime, then when that 15 or so seconds is up (here's the climax...), i peel off the plastic bag from my hand, which has quite alot of the gold stuck on it, and leaves my hand...not goldless, but, it doesnt look as poisoned and diseased as it used to when i would just try n wipe it off with tissue.

sooo, yeah. and i'll be doing this like every day til its done. so my fingers may fall off. but its only on my left hand. and i can spray the fingers gold and sell them on ebay and say it was the inspiration for the Bond film Goldfinger. but say something like they were able to look into the future and see this happen. or whatever.

i think thats all i got though. oh shit, its April. i need to look out for Russian Vogue coz its an issue dedicated to Naomi Campbell. if i dont find it in London, i'll kill everyone below the river. then spray their bodies gold and sell them in some dirty market where people actually buy dead bodies sprayed in gold and sold as solid gold statues. i bet u there is such a place, in south London or something. but then if i've killed everyone there, who will i sell the gold painted dead bodies to? maybe the people in west London, coz the people in east London are either too poor or just wouldnt give a shit about some ugly gold statues. even the east London peeps hell-bent on bringing back the 1920's-40's. they'd rather buy witch shoes. looks like i better find that magazine before i have to start thinking about this in depth...

but i shud just go now, before i start just giving u pearls of BS (hey Ed!!!). then again, not even that. more like rabbit-shit pellets of BS. OCTOPUS POO! (hey Erd!!!)

scuh-rew this. blog soon guys. smooooooch!

omg Trillion

2010-04-02T22:25:00.004+01:00

not quite sure what's happening here. i'd love to see another purple lump grow at the top of this new stalk, but i'm not really sure how it works. i dont even know if they're connected at the bottom. if they're not, i'll take the new stalk out and give it it's own pot. and then i get to name it something amazing. and decide on whether it's male or female. this is so exciting, i could go out and cut people with a bread knife, then pour coke into the wounds, YAAAAY!

not that i dont do that anyway. but. yeeeeaaah. so i did a little bit of work today. kind of a fail, in a way, but i recognised the problem, and started freshy fresh, so now i'm cutting out new templates for the wallpaper. i have two more to do, either tonight or 2moro, then i can spray away with that CURSED gold spray paint. i've accepted that for the next few days, i will be stuck with dirty, sticky, gold fingers that just rub off dirty gold all over the ENTIRE planet. its proper cursed.

anyways, i'm off...to go on wastebook and shitter and general internettles. blog soon with some pretty shit. smooch.

Pop

2010-03-31T20:18:00.003+01:00

some mock-ups for a popcorn box. the small one was the first test, to try out the shape, construction. theeen the big yellow one, was another test, sort of, just to work out size issues...construction on a larger scale or whatever. thats all i did today. plus a few pages in my sketchbook. thumbs down.

i swear i'll work harder 2moro. but i'm just abit worn out. making shit like everyday. i can do it. but i just dont want to. and i dont even have anything funny to say here either so i'm gona leave now, before i say something really stupid. smooch.

FUUUUCK!

2010-03-30T21:20:00.003+01:00

i bought Erykah Badu's album today. and i'm more than happy. i lurve it. weeeeeeeee!!!

But this is what i came here for:

so it's the ice-lollies i did today. and then i attached sticks to the lollipops i made the other day. but now i need sticks for my ice-lollies.

i took the lollipop sticks from:

i bought these from a sweet stall in covent garden after i bought the cd. the sticks were perfect. and it's not even like a waste, coz i do just like the look of these lollies anyway. and i think i might turn one or two of them into a pendant, since i own no real jewellery (i hate that word, its so unnecessarily long).

but oh. and oh. oh and i saw Stefan (the guy from Sanya in Espana) for a just a few hours on saturday evening. it was good to see him again after CHRISTMAS 2009 which was like a hundred years ago. so that was nice.

anyway, thats it. i dont even have anything to say really. but i'll be back soon. util then, u guys take care of yourselves and me, and i'll blog soon. smooch.

2 Cartons of Piss

2010-03-29T21:59:00.002+01:00

yum. bye. smooch.

Not Tonight

2010-03-29T01:35:00.002+01:00

the lyrics to this song (by Lil' Kim)are funny. alot of her songs actually. i was listening to one today, and i heard lyrics perfect to use on the paper ice-lollies i wana make:

"dicks, i like 'em fat like a pickle,
hard like a nickel,
juicy like a popsicle"

i'm having so much fun with this project. i bet u i fail and the tutors burn all of my work, then throw my beaten, bloody body on top to roast with it. unseasoned. then serve me with some vegetables and apple sauce. yeah it'll taste damn good, but shit, thats just cruel.

smooch